Fail Once, Fail Twice, Fail Many a Time

It has been a rainy couple of days here in Houston. We're talking two-hour rain delay, it took me two tries to get to school Wednesday rainy. Actually, all of Houston and Fort Bend ISD were on weather delays that day, and many of my students didn’t even make it to school. Whether it was because they legitimately couldn't make it in, or whether they heard the absence would be excused, I don't know. I do know that all HISD employees were encouraged to get to school at the regular time. Because there are secret back roads for employees that aren’t affected by the flooding, you know?

Anyway, Wednesday’s really chill day at school allowed me to be pretty productive in terms of crossing a few things off of my school to-do list, and it also allowed me to sit down and start in on a little bit of writing. And thinking. And processing. And Google Cardboard experimenting.

But I digress. I knew I was going to have to sit down and write a race recap eventually, because for me, writing is a way to work through my thoughts. And I had a lot of them following this past Sunday’s race. I went into this half marathon after almost six months of pretty solid training. Now, don’t get me wrong, not every run was great, far from it, but in the grand scheme of things, I felt as though the work I had put into this training season was of a pretty good effort. This was the first half marathon in which I had actually trained with a real goal time in mind. My runs were planned for that particular time, and my successes and failures were, again, based on how close I came to a particular pace.

So, imagine my frustration when we get an email just days before the race warning us that this race was now a “yellow flag” on the Event Alert System scale. Meaning runners should slow their pace and not expect to PR. The humidity was going to be at 96% at the start of the race, the temperature approaching 70 degrees, and it wasn’t going to get any better as the day went on. I was hearing and reading all of this, but was I really internalizing it? No. In my mind I was telling myself that I had trained for this sub-1:45 time, and I really don’t care what the weather is like, I’m going to get it. If I think positive and I have confidence in my training, surely the humidity won’t get to me.

Humidity slows my pace significantly

Because the humidity has never bothered me before (sarcasm). I’m typically a warm-weather fan, but temperatures in the high 40’s and low 50’s – that’s my ideal running weather. Humidity also really affects me, so I’m not sure why I thought January 15^th, 2017 would be the dawn of a new era. Regardless, I went into this race feeling nervous, but still fairly confident. I was told that I may not get that sub-1:45 with the weather the way it was – I can – but that I should be really pleased with a 1:47 or 1:48. I was cautioned, by my coach and by many others, that the most important thing would be not starting out too fast.

So what do I do? Start out too fast. Much too fast. My first mile was what my last few miles should have been had I done this correctly. And I honestly tried to slow myself down. I didn't dodge and weave as I normally do at the start of a race, using up unnecessary energy and logging more tenths of a mile than I should. But I would look at my watch and I was surprised to see how fast I was going even after I thought I had slowed. I felt comfortable at the pace I was running, and I felt pretty good through about mile 8. And that's when my legs started feeling it. And that's when my pace started slowing. And that's when I told myself I would really slow it down for a couple of miles so that once I hit mile 10, I could turn it back on and finish really strong. I still had hope of hitting that sub-1:45 time, but I would have to really rock those last three miles.

Not rocking the last three miles

And then I hit mile 10 and it was all I could do not to walk. I started feeling nauseous, I got a little bit dizzy, and to be honest, I can't really remember much of miles 10-13. I remember running by some fast food restaurant that just about did me in. I remember not yet completing mile 11 when my Garmin hit 1:32, and that’s when I was mentally out of it. There was really no way I was going to hit my 1:45 goal, and I had next to no confidence about even coming in before 1:48. I was pretty physically done, and I was clearly mentally done, too. I crossed the finish line at 1:50.24, and I recognize that a time like that is nothing to be ashamed of. I did pout about it a little bit, I sat down and talked it out almost first thing Tuesday morning with two - very wise, very knowledgeable, very goal-driven - fellow runners, and what I’m most frustrated about is the way I shut down mentally.

Educators that run

Yeah, I’m upset about my lack of pacing, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s not a terribly difficult fix. It’s the mental aspect that isn’t sitting well with me. It’s the “what if” factor. It’s the “did I leave anything out on the course” factor. It’s the fact that I didn’t seem to believe in myself and my training when it mattered the most.

If I can maintain this pace for 26 miles, I'll be golden

I've mentioned on the blog before, I am sure, how much I dislike failing. I would even go so far as to say I fear it. Anyone made the FEARLESS connection yet? Anyway, I don't handle failure particularly well, nor do I take losing lightly. BUT, I’m also a fairly positive person, much to the amusement of others, and I think there was a lot of good to come of it. I think it’s kind of a wake-up call for me, really. See, I preach and preach about how I believe it’s such a good thing for my students to experience failure. Because they can learn from it and grow from it and use it as their motivation. So, I say all of these things in relation of the high school freshmen I work with, but here I am feeling sorry for myself for missing my goal time by five minutes. And I could go on and on about the parallels between education and running, but for the sake of people who are not in the field of education, I’ll stick to the 26-line expository essay.

One of the statements we ask our students to respond to each year is, "Write an essay explaining whether or not failure can strengthen a person." And every year I get some really fantastic essays. I love reading their stories of triumph, and how they, or someone they know, rose above failure. And one of the most commonly read phrases is how failure is a motivator. And that’s something I wrote about here. And that’s exactly my thought process going forward. As I look ahead to the next race I plan to run – a half marathon in Portland, Oregon, and ultimately, the Chevron Houston Marathon next January, I'm not going to forget this particular run. I'm not going to forget the disappointment I felt as I crossed the finish line. I'm going to let it motivate me to put everything I've got into every run. No excuses, no sob stories, no pity parties. It's not supposed to be easy, which is true of so much more than running. Failure(s) make the victory that much sweeter, and from here on out, I’m going to run humbly, hungry (literally and figuratively), grateful, and focused.

Ultimately, I love running. I love the freedom I feel when I’m running. I love the “me” time I get when I’m running. I love the endorphins and joy that come from it. I love the discipline it has taught me. I love the grit. And one less-than-ideal race – because Lord knows there will probably definitely be more of them – is not going to take any of that away. Running, or any sport or activity, should never define me. I love having goals. I love meeting those goals, but ultimately, what I love the most is the feeling that comes from meeting a goal after knowing what it took to get there. It's all about the journey. It's not about race day. Well, it is. But it's about the work you put in the days, weeks, months, years leading up to race day. And I'm ready to get after it. And I've absolutely got my eye on the Boston prize. Whether that's 2019, or 2029. But for now, I'm going to enjoy a few Garmin-free runs, and just run the pace at which my body feels comfortable. And take time to remember why I run, and all that it has taught me about life.

Things I'm Loving Friday XLVIII

Happy Friday! Today is my last real Friday of freedom, if you will, as volleyball starts Monday, and inservice the following Monday. So what will I be doing on my last Friday of freedom, you ask? Well, I'll likely be driving circles around Houston as I try and cross every last thing off of my to-do list. Once volleyball and inservice come around, I don't have a whole lot of time for extracurricular activities. After all, I've got practice and meetings and classroom set-up. Last year I was consistently the last car in the parking lot. And while that will probably be the case this year as well, at least I can go home and pass out on the couch.

But first, a workout. And before that, a blog post. Here are some things I'm loving lately, with a little bit of a twist. 

for taste: 18 Nutrient-Rich Power Foods
Calling all athletes! If you're not sure what foods you should be eating, this article is the one for you. From endurance training to illness prevention, many of these foods are easy to incorporate into your weekly recipes. And though I probably won't be making sardines a part of my daily diet, you already know dark chocolate is something I eat on the daily. Along with honey and flax seeds, and I'm obviously a sucker for sweet potato fries. 

Chocolate + cinnamon

for inspiration: Simone Biles
Don't feel like working out? Take one look at Simone Biles and maybe you'll think again. This girl is the real deal, and I could not be more excited to watch her bring home (literally, she's from Spring!) the gold at the Olympics. But she hasn't met such success by simply sitting on her couch and watching episode after episode of The Middle. She has found success by putting in hours upon hours of work at the gym. And okay, we might not be able to flip and tumble quite like she does, and seeing as I can't even do one pull-up, I'm definitely not going to be climbing ropes legless anytime soon. But this is all the motivation I need to complete my dreaded tempo run.

(Source)

for a laugh: Bored Teachers: A Year in the Life of a Teacher
I'll let this video speak for itself. Teachers in August are wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, and by May, I consider a day that I've taken attendance to be a good day. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. But the reason teachers get summer vacation? We need it in order to keep our sanity and recharge for the year ahead. Teaching is a job that requires you to be "on" at all times, so we need a few days where we're allowed to be "off." And if that means drinking wine out of a glass the size of a horse, so be it.

for the body: Five-Minute Expert Guide to Running in Humid Weather
It's hot and humid here in Houston, and I know we're not the only ones experiencing that combination. But that doesn't mean you have to call it quits on the outdoor workouts. You just have to be smart about it. That means not running the heat of the afternoon, staying hydrated before, during, and after the run, and don't stress too much about your time. The higher the temp, the higher your minute per mile. And that's okay. And most importantly, know when to take your workout inside. Or else you'll end up begging the valet guys at Hungry's for a water bottle. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

for the ears: Rise Up by Andra Day
This isn't a brand new song, but I just recently became obsessed. If this isn't the ultimate feel-better anthem, I don't know what is. Maybe you've had one of those days - kind of like me yesterday - or you're fed up with all the bad news you hear on the news day after day after day, and you need a pick-me-up. This is my new go-to. I know I'll need it many a time as I attempt to tackle the most hardcore running schedule I've ever been given. But I'll rise up over any tough training days.

(Source)

for the mind: 31 Life Lessons They Didn't Teach You in School
You guys know I'm a teacher. And it's in my job description to teach the cardinal rules of reading and writing. But it's also my unofficial job to make sure that my students leave my classroom with lessons they can carry with them for years and years to come. And though the title of this article deals with things you don't learn in school, I think each and every one of the items on this list is something I can teach my kids using literature as my pipeline. My favorite? Never underestimate the value of a handwritten note. Especially in this age of technology.

And with that, I'm off. I've got another jam-packed day today, and I'm hoping to crawl into bed at a somewhat decent hour tonight. Ciao!